1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
please don't ironically join a cult
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