This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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