I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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