guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
