So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
