how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
