turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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