I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
