I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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