So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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