Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
