You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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