Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need water and some morals
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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