Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
