i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
