I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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