Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize