ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
