The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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