remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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