Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
