Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
