I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
