I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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