I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She said her name was "party"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
