There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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