White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
