Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
