Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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