Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
