Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
