he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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