5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
