Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
