i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dear god my vagina.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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