i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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