these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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