I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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