i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
