I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
