i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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