You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
