Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
