hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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