he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
