i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
