Just fell off a train. Bad.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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