i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
