Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
