I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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