Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
