I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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