I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you would pick up someone in the library
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
