Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
