I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
