two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
