pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
