11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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