Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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