I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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