This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
