I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
