We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
