Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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