Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
