She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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