She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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