Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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