i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
