is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
