I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
