Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
