i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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