Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
