doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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