Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
did i walk over a car last night?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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